I’m glad people love being dads. All I’m saying is I don’t remember having so many “happy Father’s Day to me” posts on my feed in the past

Another day, another reminder that my Spanish speaking abilities have deteriorated dramatically and it’s embarrassing.

I’ve done a lot of embarrassing things in my life, but somehow admitting that I use tinted eyebrow gel takes the cake.

Lol I just brought a date to boys night and it was still just boys night

June’s over I’m straight again

It’s more than I can handle right now to text anyone back, but not to send a tweet. I don’t get it either but listen I don’t make the rules

I’m having a manic episode, so obviously I’m listening to my “Boss Bitch Pop” playlist, on repeat, as loud as my lil ears can handle

I never get tired of watching my friends be parents 🥹

I, a grownass man, shit my pants.

My neighbor came over to ask for advice about this “older woman” he’s been going on dates with. I asked how old this woman was. She’s younger than me. I need to get out of Provo.

Every morning I wake up and my body *begs* me for water. So naturally I brew myself a nice cup of diuretic because hydration is for chumps

I’m gonna call my firstborn daughter Liz, but it’ll be short for Lizterine.

The whole day I’ve felt like I’ve been watching myself move through the world from 6 feet away.

In honor of Giving Tuesday, please give me a goddamn break.

Boy math is understanding that this bathroom has only one urinal.

I went ice skating last night and saw 3 different couples of gay teenage boys, clearly on dates, living a romantic Christmas dream. It made me so happy that those boys get to experience blissful teen romance, yet so sad that the world I grew up in made that impossible for me.

I have a theory about people who transplant to northern Utah: 1) people who move here to attend BYU feel like they gotta get out 2) people who move here for work or just because like it or love it 3) people who move here for one of the state univ. or trade school are a mixed bag

On days like today, I try to remind myself that I DON’T WANT A MUSTACHE OR PLATINUM BLOND HAIR I DON’T WANT A MUSTACHE OR PLATINUM BLOND HAIR I DON’T WANT A MUSTACHE OR PLATINUM BLOND HAIR I DON’T WANT