If Russell Brand went into the wilderness in imitation of Christ he’d immediately insist on doing 41 days and 41 nights. All the while vlogging & flogging, vlogging & flogging. Jars of holy wilderness sand that protects from Big Pharma for only $59.99 with the code Russell. Et

Couldn’t afford new head shots so I decided to take things into my own hands. Though pleased with my efforts, I do feel vulnerable right now so please be kind - I hate showing the “real me” (🙄🤢🤮) as I feel it pollutes the carefully and excellently crafted comedy persona I’ve

When someone comes in for the last 5 mins of a film

Bond but he’s never tried champagne before.

Get this down you. From the demented minds of Uncle Shortbread & featuring the dulcet tones of yours truly. Peter Hair | adult swim smalls youtu.be/VTgruYIvNQM?si… via YouTube

Been slagging off Trent from tonnes of puppet accounts for being such a scummy traitor to us, his people. SO satisfying. Especially as I'm actually from East Sussex, my real name's Tarquin (the fourth) & my house has 14 chimneys! LOVE THE NET!

Customer announcement 📣 🛒 New comedy series ‘Transaction’ featuring Jordan Gray and Nick Frost to air later this month on ITVX and ITV2: bigtalkstudios.com/news/2025-06-0…

Me: So we think the first bell was invented by Alexander Graham Telephone somewhere around the 10th century. Rogan: Woah. Me: Well I mean think about it, Joe. The telephone itself was named so in his honour because it ‘rings’ and we ‘bell’ one another. Rogan: Wooah,

Embarrassing how the others haven't seemed to quite convey the I've-just-shat myself-look I'd been told we were all going for but no worries, I'm sure they'll get over it one day. Anyway, Transaction starts in a week on ITV so please tune in!

The GOAT. But look at him. Slightly jarring reminder that’s there not too long left. Let’s enjoy it. #messi

I've bought Scalvini about 14 times on FM and therefore approve #NUFC

Trump in the war room 4 seconds before the B2 bombers enter Iranian airspace: how are those gold sneakers doing by the way? The best right? Secretary of Defense: Sir, with the greatest respect --

On the telly tomorrow ITV2. Transaction. I imagine, just as in life, it'll take a few episodes to warm to me. So stick in there!

The Bobby Robson Summer Cup: Ipswich, Fulham, Newcastle, PSV and Barcelona. All held at St James’ each year. PIF offer a tonne of prize money. Make it happen so we can compete! #nufc Alan Shearer

Isak vows to never play for us again. But he also 'vowed' to play for us for 6 years solid so I'm not talking him too seriously. A wonderful compromise would be to meet the man halfway - 3 more years. In the reserves, banned from speaking to or looking at the first team #nufc

Sell him to Everton for a tenner just to piss them off. Or offer him on loan to liverpool then pull out last minute while singing you'll never fork a loan. Childish? Yes. Yes it is. #nufc #isak

FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITY, PLEASE APPLY! I'm looking for ... - Men and women of high IQ between 30-55. - Excellent skills at making other people money very, very quickly. - propensity to submit to cult-like leaders without question. DM me for more info!

Carlsberg should stop speculating about how good they'd be at other stuff & start focusing on improving their frankly average beer.

If there was a GCSE in drawing Nike ticks on double-zipped Gul pencil cases during the early 2000s I'd have gone to friggin Harvard for it.