If you keep procreating you get a doctor eventually

No one warns you that being an adult is having maybe two happy weeks per year and the rest is just trying not to kys

It’s don’t kill yourself monday! Let’s all try not to kill ourselves today

“Monetize your hobbies” ok sorry I can’t make money being pursued by a guy who doesn’t actually want me

My hot take is I actually do get the joke. But it’s the kind of joke that should be kept private because only the people in the relationship would get the nuance of the dark humor and it’s also triggering for a lot of people.

how a milwaukeen sees the world

imdb is down. Can someone please tell me where Abe Vigoda went to high school. It’s important.

I took a class in law school from a guy who was on Comedy Central’s Legal Team and supposedly this interaction was authentic and the lawyer straight up stormed out of the room after this — ended up becoming a whole thing

lady at my After The Hunt screening turning to her friend when the movie ended: "so what's tenure"

Robbing The Louvre is sexy and I hope they get away with it

Today, a chocolate malt will be part of the Mediterranean diet

Why yes I WILL watch Ugly Stepsister again 👀🥰

ok so maybe don’t hang it in the louvre

My h*rny ass would’ve started singing Eternal Flame right along with him I’m sorry

“Your younger self would think you are so cool” no if I saw my 40 year old ass still crying over boys I would vomit actually

this is the real crisis of immaturity in our country btw, it’s not Disney adults or video games or Halloween costumes, it’s just outright sociopathy

I’m crashing out how have I never seen this 😂😂😂😂

Guys will sleep with you and then friendzone you

Cool, her sister pulled a knife on restaurant workers and also killed a bunch of cats with her car