RIP the utterly fucking fantastic Scott Walker.

REJECTED LYRICS #1 "I live my life in a careful manner I keep acting gingerly Like I'm Ken f**king Branagh"

Ay up lovely people, Me and the amazing Miriam Nice done made a podcast. If you enjoy 90's based nonsense, go on give it a listen Sam X open.spotify.com/episode/6noYvq…

Ay up lovely people, New podcast episode out today! This week we discuss the obscure Eddie Izzard sitcom "Cows" and a sublime episode of David Suchet's Poirot. Links can be found in the description if you want to watch them too. Sam X open.spotify.com/episode/2eUrP8…

I was browsing BBC iPlayer today, without my glasses and I genuinely thought there was a show called "Your Grandma Made Perfect"

HOT FRESH 90s NONSENSE! This week we talk terrorvision and Menswear Go on, fill your jaded ears with this britpop double drop! open.spotify.com/episode/71TsNy…

RIP Pharaoh Sanders Thanks for all the absolutely fucking sublime music open.spotify.com/track/71DfiueM…

What is this world? Tomorrow will it be: Lembit Öpik to rule on whether Putin can start an Onlyfans?

New lexicon proposal: Low end residential letting agents to be known as "Flat F@#kers" Estate agents to be known as: "Brick Pricks"

Suggested Additions to the MasterChef Format: MasterChef The Clergy Necro-MasterChef MasterChef The Wrath of Khan

@CPWTweets Just called your customer service team, congrats guys, It's really hard to do apathetic and aggressive but you nailed it.

@CPWTweets One of your shop staff "moved" my contract from Talk Mobile to Vodafone, then you charged me for both . . . for 7 months.

And so it was that upon return to his dilapidated Twitter house he found mail piled by the door and a toxic funk in the fridge.

@CPWTweets Hi guys, wanted to congratulate you again on your sheer dogged determination to give shit-awful service. Hugs X

Linda McCartney Sausage Jenga. . . The classic Sunday lunch.

EVIL SEAWEED BATMAN

This is my bass, I call it "The Aztec Shit-Wreck"

This year's card . . . too cheerful?

FYI: Pumpernickel is super sexy now.

Genuine Daily Mail online graphic Nuttal is smashing this election . . . and the agreed laws of mathematics.