He got lucky that the Wizard/Dragon/Balrog that lives in there was gone.

Not even top 10 of nastiest things I've seen a restaurant try to call food.

Really got to work on that net worth this year.

So... Is every commercial just a poorly marketed ad for a prescription drug that has worse side effects than whatever symptoms it's supposed to mask?

My toxic trait is thinking I could just go do this tomorrow. Easily.

Absolutely not. 100% unacceptable behavior. These people should be trespassed.

The more times a company's ad interrupts whatever I'm watching, I become exponentially less likely to ever purchase that product.

If you're not sure how to be polite to the customer service employees at whatever location you're about to go to, I'm sure there's a 12 year old on YouTube with a tutorial you can watch 1st.

No. Stop it. Literally, who the F asked for this?

Her- Stop teasing me and put it in. -

Same, but like 50 hours a week and I'm still broke.

What my mom thinks I'm out doing if I don't text back within 5 minutes.

Based on the average views of any post I make that isn't a reply or retweet, I only have 12 active accounts following me. The rest are just bots.

100% the dumbest thing forced on consumers in recent history.

If you're willingly drinking Coke water, you deserve all your health issues.

I can smell that house.

What I hear when the chef explains the special he came up with at 4am last night.

PSA: Stop being gross and trying to pass it to others. Buy a purse or a wallet. No one wants to touch your sweaty boob money.

Accurate. Also, most people who say they have a gluten allergy have no idea what celiac disease is, they just think bread is bad for them.

Had to dive into the spam file on my email to see if something found its way in there and frankly I can't believe how many different GeekSquad premium accounts I've signed up for that are all expiring right now.