Trump says FBI does not need to investigate sexual assault allegations against Brett Kavanaugh independent.co.uk/news/world/ame…

'No one comes to help us': Florence cleanup highlights Wilmington's stark social divide theguardian.com/world/2018/sep…

Ted Cruz Attempts To Connect With Voters By Wearing More Handsome Man’s Face As Mask politics.theonion.com/ted-cruz-attem…

GOP Officials: Kavanaugh Shouldn’t Be Held Accountable For Something He Did As White Teenager politics.theonion.com/gop-officials-…

Panicked Spox For Group Backing Kavanaugh Struggles To Maintain Support talkingpointsmemo.com/news/panicked-… via Talking Points Memo

Kavanaugh Sobering Up After 35-Year Bender Shocked To Find Out He’s Supreme Court Nominee politics.theonion.com/kavanaugh-sobe…

SEC Charges Tesla CEO Elon Musk With Fraud talkingpointsmemo.com/news/sec-compl… via Talking Points Memo

The media bullying of Christine Blasey Ford cjr.org/criticism/blas… via Columbia Journalism Review

Kavanaugh Claims He Never Committed Sexual Assault As It Will Be Defined After Future Supreme Court Case politics.theonion.com/kavanaugh-clai…

Debunking 5 (More) Viral Rumors About Kavanaugh’s Accusers nyti.ms/2N5JYB4

Paper Towels On Amazon Surge To $2,000 A Roll After Crippling Cost Increase Of Paying Workers A Living Wage theonion.com/paper-towels-o… via The Onion

Newly Discovered DNA Evidence Suggests Children Could Be Closely Related To Humans theonion.com/newly-discover… via The Onion

Stevens: ‘Not Healthy To Get A New Justice That Can Only Do A Part Time Job’ talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/steve… via Talking Points Memo

The Supreme Court’s Legitimacy Crisis nyti.ms/2CubpnF

Report: Many States Still Relying On Outdated Methods To Disenfranchise Voters politics.theonion.com/report-many-st…

Two AZ GOPers Posed As Communists To Make Damaging Contribution To Dem talkingpointsmemo.com/news/two-az-go… via Talking Points Memo

Trump threatens to retaliate against reporters who don’t show ‘respect’ bostonglobe.com/news/nation/20… via The Boston Globe

Man At Airport Pissed That Other People Had Same Idea To Go Home For Thanksgiving local.theonion.com/man-at-airport…

New York Family Man Latest Victim Of Nation’s Misguided War On Tax Evasion, Perjury, Campaign Finance Violationsnull politics.theonion.com/new-york-famil…

‘Oh, Was I Not Enough For You?’ Amazon Echo Asks Couple Bringing New Baby Home theonion.com/oh-was-i-not-e… via The Onion