twitter is so weird. An innocent scroll takes you to awful/great dad joke, explosive breaking news, celebrities showing they have personalities, people being aired like dirty laundry, more dad jokes, everything's a CAKE. It's a bloody roller coaster out here. Exhausted.

turns out guffawing whilst listening to My Dad Wrote A Porno is deeply unconducive to run speed and form. Belinda comes first tho, always

The world doesn’t deserve the sheer joy and spirit of Miriam Margolyes #almostaustralian

Hey everyone in the entire world, question: is everyone but me in #Greece rn?!

is the raised hand Teams function a 'ooh pick me' or is it, in fact, 'bish, your time is up, stop talking'? Microsoft please clarify (either way, I will continue to believe it's the latter)

Sofi Carter Yes.

RT Microsoft "Sofi Carter Yes."

"Monotony" comes from the Italian phrase meaning "just one Tony," which is slang for a dull situation in Italy.

Soz, but untangling necklaces whilst they’re around your neck is a full time job and I won’t be told otherwise.

STOP THE COUNT!

Late night songs: 🎶Kaaamakamakamakamakamala Harris, Trump comes and goes, trump comes and gooooooes🎶 Kamala Harris Joe Biden Boy George & Culture Club

Late night songs: 🎶KAMAL-EILEEN, OH I SWEAR, AT THIS MOMENT, YOU MEAN EEEEVERYTHING🎶 Kamala Harris Joe Biden Dexys (& Dexys Midnight Runners)

Link to petition for noel fielding to become prime minister and my personal, live-in life coach/talking alarm clock after his motivational speech on British Bake Off last night is in my bio. Pls sign

How do betting companies and their advertisers sleep at night? Preying on vulnerable people looking for hope. #boycottbetshops

#NotAllMen is trending. Here’s my response. No, not all men. But too many.

Knuckleduster keys. Fake calls to ‘boyfriend’/‘dad’. Running through unlit streets. Strategic road crossing. After-dark buddy systems. We’ve incorporated these routines into our everyday. It is chilling, it is abnormal and it is suffocating. But sadly, it’s still necessary.