Sorry folks, I haven’t been myself for the past *checks watch* few years.

It’s now been a long enough time since I’ve used twitter, that I no longer know how to use twitter.

Me serving tonight Customer: "You should be a manager". Jokes on you. I am.

Frank’s Official Rum Ham Recipe itsalways.com/franks-officia…

No one is in my restaurant. Half of me is like bring on the people and the other half is like stay away.

I can hardly move my back hurts so badly.

I just tried to clean something and because this building is a piece of crepe paper everything is broken.

I'm not sure I can help people with neo-nazi tattoos.

Proudest moment Employee: *is tired of my bullshit* Employee: "I'm cleaning so I don't have to listen to you fucking annoy me about it".

Barbara sweetie, i'm so sorry i'm so sorry that a ugly ass bitch would even say that x.com/jamizfoshiz/st…

I think I get more notifications from Twitter than any other social media. I think I ignore Twitter the most.

Thanks pw got the monstrousity that you imagined in the mail today. I hate it so much I never want to be parted from it.

Every time I say "my husband" I feel myself getting closer to white suburban wine mom culture. It feels like purgatory.

Every time I hear someone leave the bathroom without washing their hands, my disgust for the public grows.

Thanksgiving is Thursday, time to brush up on your "Ugh...been good, been busy" speech.

I think the best gift I got for Christmas is my Amazon dot. Mostly because I make her play rain noises all the time. It's really just the gift of being calm.

Somebody tried to break into one of my server's house. She called me crying and laughing because she beat him with a shovel so badly he went to the er.