Life Pro Tip: cracker as a plate for your cheese to dip on. No dish mess.

I never pull the drain plug while sitting in the bathtub, because drain ghosts.

25-year-old in elevator: I’m going clubbing later Me: Have fun, be safe

Standing in bathroom stall drinking bubbly water and scrolling because, A.) awkward B.) bored C.) afraid of someone with sharp hair D.) ALL

Just ate shrimp that’s been in my backpack for 7 hrs. We’ll see.

Sometimes when I can’t decide, I think “WWJD?” Then I end up at a pedicure. Jesus loved pedicures.

I just keep posting here in case I die, so I will have quotes. - S.E.

I’d like to change my initials to Sabrina Ellis Xylophone.

True crime is my binky.

Canada trucker wants right to choose to wear crotchless panties on face.

“My iPhone storage is full, chingao.” -my Mom

Recycling hasn’t been collected in Austin in weeks. The recovery center is full. Good for my collection of gravity bongs, but a foreboding sign that the Earth is filling to the brim with our trash.

I’m literally 29 and I just watched Roadhouse for the first time last night. I did not expect that. - AJ at Lost Well

“Mom, let’s find the episode of Queer Eye where they work with an Austin musician.” (Scrolling thru) “Jobless Couch Potato… is it this one?”