Vampires are going to be able to be outside all the time but they won't have any blood to drink. :(

Remember when Trump autographed Bibles and a large chunk of Christians thought it was fine?

Oh my goodness watch this

If you had told me back in 2016 that Trump would sell top secret spy and nuclear intel to foreign adversaries, I’d be like “yeah I know, that’s what we keep saying”

I’m going to attempt to eat $28 worth of Taco Bell for lunch tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Kerfuffle feels like a word that shouldn’t be in the dictionary.

1. By week’s end, a sizable percentage of the GOP base will believe an absurd conspiracy theory positing that Paul Pelosi was assaulted by his leftist gay lover. Allow me to explain.

A story in 3 parts

I’m starting to believe that Twitter is being tanked on purpose. They are screwing up literally everything.

Maybe Twitter going down will be the start of the 10 days of darkness I’ve been hearing about for like 5 years now.

After seeing how hard Twitter is going down, anyone starting to get nervous when they see Teslas on the road? Like, I expect to get hit with a blast or some sort of shrapnel if one is near me now.

Instagram should just add a tab that allows typing instead of pics. Boom, problem solved.

Someone at Google right now is wondering why searches for “did Hitler invent the microphone” are putting a strain on their servers.

Kanye seems like the kinda guy who would fake his own death as a bizarre redemption attempt.

From now on, anyone who freaks out about pronouns is getting referred to by a pronoun I assume is wrong just to see what happens.

I’m begging Ben Shapiro to live tweet an Agatha Christie novel.

Does anyone remember a vid making the rounds 10-15 years ago of a metal band performing live on (I think) some South American TV show and the singer had some sort of werewolf mask on? It’s drive me nuts.

It’s weird that this @Eve6 album has a bunch of different bands listed on the back.

Anyone notice a lot less Twitter Blue folks in tweet replies today?