Don’t invite me over if that smoke alarm beeping

I stopped watching African movies the day Mary told Joseph she is pregnant 🤰 and Joseph shouted "Jesus Christ" while Jesus was not born 😭

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I completely understand why deer run head first into the engine block. Next person to blind me with their high beams better have a seatbelt on.

Me trying on clothes in Zara

Je suis CUIT

2016 Kawhi Leonard defensive playmaking

That 100 humans vs 1 gorilla debate lets me know who pussy and who not.

The real reason they have cages at the zoo is so I don’t go in there and test my ability.

Going to join a run club and start chasing people

I accidentally said “You feel me?” instead of “Are we aligned?” to the CMO

“Huda” this huda that. Huda fuck cares? Shut the hell up.

Kids dont even wear light up shoes anymore

Told a grown man to stop sneezing into his hands on the train & he took a picture of me

Telling people the wrong cologne when they ask me what scent im wearing

😂😂😂😂

Last night I found out I was still connected to my old apartment’s thermostat, and I turned the heater on so the current tenant wakes up musty.