If you’re wondering how I am, I’ve been watching film theories on Godzilla and King Kong for about an hour or so. Take that how you will.

Are you disrespecting Godzilla and King Kong you foul worm

I like to sleep with one foot hanging off the bed :)

I’d rather have the wrath of god bestowed upon me as he allows the demons crawl from hell and drag me back down by my ankle than feel the grimy sweaty socks cling to my feet

Me holding a bug: aww look at you ❤️ Bug: bites me Me now having an allergic reaction and picking up a shoe: alright fucker new idea

I love you miss chicken 🥺❤️

Sometimes I wanna become a detective only cuz I like puzzles and I wanna connect a bunch of photos together with red string on a board

Future detective life: Person: so why did you become a detective? Was it the reward of catching the criminals and avenging victims and their families? Me, sweating nervously: ᴾᵘᶻᶻˡᵉ

I just realized I never got that fucking phone case I ordered

You’re under arrest for not being able to make a joke that’s actually funny 🔫

My aesthetic is eating cold rice from the leftover Chinese takeout the other day at 3am

Good :)

AHAHA IM FINALLY 18 FUCKERS

Ppl ask “if you could have and super power what would it be?” And many would say flight or strength but y’all are sleeping on cartoon. Immortal and the ability to put a fridge in my pocket. I can’t fly away but I can hit you with a fridge.

I’m gonna be an unstoppable bad bitch once I understand speech tones

ngl i think it’s hilarious how my sister gets downstairs and makes some weird healthy avocado burrito for lunch and then i come in just waking up and making pizza rolls for late breakfast

it’s 1am i’m in the kitchen using a knife to open the orange juice robber: unlocks and opens the front door, we make eye contact me: you blinked 1st u can’t rob us r.: damn… you need help with that? me: please we fall in love

look man, i’m not joining the military unless i get to pilot a big ass robot like in gundam or neon genesis evangelion

i’m just like princess peach, but a brunette with anger issues

ppl be like “you’re gonna regret having tattoos when you’re old” as if i’m gonna care about what i look like at 85 i’m wrinkly and old and probably craving death what’s a tattoo gonna do?