okay is this your first time being stalked by the nocturnal beasts of eternal night or something why are you freaking out so much

Entire cock and balls out is NOT enough. I have to have my entire cock and balls out WHILE I'm in a pool.

you: babe, can we PLEASE have normal sex now me: no. now go back to your biblical accurate angel form, kitty.

|| i miss penacony so i bought a discounted ebook all about the gilded age in New York. i miss you sorta kinda not really why did the collab have to sour you too? now you're like modern day new york where you can smell piss everywhere.

Send that damn frog to my cabin in the woods for a spa week. I'll make her a swamp wonderland.

He's a squirter and it sounds fun at first but then the bed is so wet and I have to spend the aftercare doing laundry. Which, in theory, makes me even sexier in his eyes because the domestic malewife antics is still meta but I also have to kick him off the bed, literally.

I'm an Eldritch horror and I just bestowed forbidden knowledge on you for fun. Now start tweaking.

alcohol based fluid. and if it still keeps her wet, i'll put her in a bag of rice to dry out.

The apples have crack in it.

A way to a man's heart is foccaccia laced with weed.

my dog doesn't bite but she does stab.