🚨: You are seeing the first photograph of 'ANOTHER SOLAR SYSTEM WITH MULTIPLE PLANETS', with the sun as a star.

Apparently I’m “irresponsible and incompetent” for not knowin which day we had sex resulted in pregnancy. I’m startin ta think settled folk don’t take procreatin very seriously. Like y’all really just go once & hope? That ain’t really “tryin”…

Oh look! Racism! Must be a day that ends in y…

We found this cranberry orange ginger Italian soda on clearance at the store & picked it up coz I like fizzy drinks. But it was just way too ginger forward. It was like a ginger beer somebody whispered “cranberry” over the top of. A shot a citrus Drumshanbo & it’s golden.

Cumin-crusted chicken stew tonight. Leary informed me I been cuttin bell peppers wrong my whole life. Thanks kid.

This is my kinda people.

How are these people this fuckin stupid? If I say “no, I won’t give you a ride ta the store”, am I forcin ya ta go hungry? No. Ya have other options ta get food. Ya don’t need a ride from me. Am I a dick? Sure. But I didn’t force ya ta go hungry.

I didn’t know they could outstupid theyselves like this. Apparently I “forced” my half brothers ta steal meth coz I wouldn’t give em money ta buy meth. So I guess universities forced those rich kids who faked they resumés by not acceptin em based on bein rich?

And these fuckers call *me* entitled?

I cain’t even even right now… Send help.

Root beer with a shot a poitín may be the most Mountain Irish thing I’ve done in a while. And I did laundry in the bathtub with a paddle a couple weeks ago.

I really hate it when people make me pull out my undergraduate philosophy shit. Ain’t nobody got time for this.

I was leavin work & rolled the window down ta smoke a cigarette. I’ve got Hunting the Wren blastin & some dude shouts “yo gypsy wagon!”—my reputation precedes me—“don’t smoke, you’ll lose your fingers.” I expected culturally insensitive, but that was kinda funny. Dark, but funny.

Scratch an anti-choicer, find a pile a shit! How long ya wanna bet fore she calls me a “pikey bastard”?

To my Gaeilgeoir moots, how bad did I butcher this? The speakin I can do. The readin & writin is a new skill.

Apparently the only way ta respect women is ta tell em how they’s allowed ta structure their own relationships, regardless a what they want. But *I’m* the problem…

My wife got me curry ketchup, so I bought her roses. It’s the little things.