Wow!!! I love George Carlin. This from the grave may be his most important and timeless rant ever. Whatever you do don’t make it go viral! #AmericaWakeUp

Things I've learned from watching movies and television: The first thing you do when you get home is pour yourself a glass of whiskey (from a decanter - not the bottle) and the first thing you do when someone visits is pour them one. You don't even need to ask most of the time.

4.8 magnitude earthquake occurred 0.62mi NE of South San Gabriel, California. Details: eqbot.com/8oE Map: eqbot.com/8oW

That was the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I wrote FANTASTIC FOUR.

There’s a fly on Pence’s head. So what are flies attracted to? Hmmmm

Exclusive Behind The Scenes, backstage at the Debate. youtube.com/watch?v=d7pioa…

This is wonderful. [I fact-checked it and it's legit.]

The only thing I'll miss from this administration is them swapping in new Melanias and just pretending we won't notice like a 4-year-old with a guppy

Xanax is trending in LA which is the most LA thing ever.

Grandma out here taking NAMES this year

To my former Republican colleagues: You want unity? 1. Condemn Wednesday’s insurrection. 2. Acknowledge that you’ve been lying about voter fraud and a “stolen” election. 3. Apologize for lying. 4. Stop attacking our democracy. 5. Congratulate Joe Biden. Then we can talk.

F yeah!

Reminder to all journalists... This is how Minneapolis initially reported the death of #GeorgeFloyd

Out and about last night in Charlotte, NC