You don’t simply have a bowl of Rice Krispies. You keep eating until the entire box is gone.

Forget non-GMO project or organic stamps. Start branding products with “Child-friendly factories!” and watch sales skyrocket.

Hey Crunch Fitness I know your whole thing is “No judgments,” but can I have a little judgment for the guy at Crunch in an Equinox shirt?

Yo Apple why is the default ringer with AirPods DEAFENING?! Plz fix.

Lol that people say “Thanks for staying over” when a work call runs late. As if we had a choice?? What’s the alternative—“Sorry, the invite was only until 5. E-mail me the rest, bye!” “HR would like to see you…”

Uber launched a new feature where you can call a number for a ride without needing their app and if I’m not mistaken, once upon a time that was just called a taxi service.

You guys ever realize Vermont and New Hampshire are just kinda 69ing up there

My girlfriend didn’t like this one but I stand by it.

Hey can we push this meeting back? It’s interfering with me trying to make lunch.

In those rare times that Bobby actually loses on Beat Bobby Flay, I literally yell “Fuck you, Bobby!” at the TV as if he’s personally wronged me like his ex wives.

HOW DO YOU PEOPLE PACK IN JUST A CARRY-ON, TWO PAIRS OF MY SHOES TAKE UP HALF THE GODDAMN BAG!!!!!!

The entire concept of packing in a carry-on is a lie.

If you can pack for more than two days in a carry-on, fuck you.

What idiot approved this post with this caption and didn’t think the comments would go sideways??

Work hack: Don’t.

Yo Apple you need to update your calendars, Passover is not one night. You got 20 days of Easter events but one night of an 8-night holiday?

One day you're 18, slapping a bag of Franzia, the next day you're 30 and getting excited about a new mug.

Free WiFi on JetBlue is the biggest scam of all time.

“I can’t believe it’s already 20__,” I say every year until I die.

Hey Indiana Football, corporate needs you to find the differences between these two pictures.