Oh no. If a couple of innocent lovebirds like an OnlyFans social media influencer and a Nigerian crypto trader can't make it work, what hope do the rest of us have?

8

Now that Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan have passed away, will they finally be considered for baseball's Hall of Fame?

Oh my God, they killed Trumpy!

If someone was a racist when they were alive, their legacy when they die isn't "complicated." It's "racist."

Yes, but I have to admit that I wouldn't recognize him without his hat.

Rodgers must have thought it was a playoff game because he threw it to the wrong guy.

Probably a happy successful woman.

Did she let you know how much windmills piss her off?

Saw Al Yankovic put on a spectacular show in Austin last night. That guy is an absolute rock star! Making the night even more special, Puddles Pity Party opened for him and just killed it, as always! Thanks for the great show, guys.

Well, at least his wife will finally feel at home there.

Really? I would have thought the path was fair wages, universal healthcare, an honest redistribution of wealth, common decency, and not naming kids based on password requirements during a ketamine-fueled bender.

Being raised by people who gave me enough attention.

If you are a couch who was sexually assaulted by JD Vance , press 4.

I'll go you one better. I still haven't talked to anyone who's even seen the Sweeney ad.

My Adcanced Healthcare Directive consists of only one line: "Since my quality of life will obviously be at zero, you must pull the plug if I respond in any positive way to 'Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)'."

The government announced that it will build a 1-foot deep trench next to JD Vance wherever he goes, so he can pretend to be a big boy.

Obviously at his post-hernia recovery hospital.

The only type of guy who calls you "Slick" is the type of guy who insists on being called "Slick."

Here's something a sane person has never said: "That's exactly what I was going to say, President Trump."