Going to see some standup comedy in my “If you do crowd work on me I WILL kill myself” t-shirt

This is the new standard. I won’t be entertaining any more food influencer content unless their lives are at stake in some way.

I actually worked on this film and can assure you that the dog does not, in fact, die in the movie. A trailer did sadly hit him on the last day of shooting though.

Autocorrect just changed “work drama” to “worm drama.” What does it know…

Snubbed again. There’s always next year.

When I pick up on a movies themes, that means they’re so obvious even a moron like me can understand them, thus making it a bad movie.

Paul Westerberg Sunmer is almost over which means it’s only a matter of time before Paul Westerberg Fall begins open.spotify.com/track/1OWkfA0V…

I love the 2000s indie band Crap Your Pants Say Yeah

Flying Lotus mentioned

Yawn. Not a visual learner. Someone please provide me with an abstract.metaphorical representation of the healing power of time

Signs you’re dating a performative caveman: - Carries around tote bag of just rocks - Baggy vintage thrifted loincloth - Read only cave paintings by women

My English teacher and my gym teacher were already married. I was homeschooled.

Huff some Freon, put on some Townes Van Zandt, & handle it

I can see why you thought I pissed myself. Actually a hibachi chef just squirted sake on my penis and balls and also a stream down my leg.

“Goddamn:” White House reveals President Trump’s “shit” to be “all the way fucked up” as well as “completely screwed, man”

What if GAZA weren’t occupied? Maybe I’d talk more about the sea and less about the siege. Maybe I wouldn’t know the words quadcopter and F-16. Maybe I’d only know the names of clouds and trees. I’d feel what it’s like to be 27. (A mother not a witness)🇵🇸 chuffed.org/project/137051…

Weezer blue? The still do! Just kidding folks!