Things I have been having a read of this summer. What are you on?

I've been experimenting with Huel. No! I don't need another lecture on how it's a gateway to going to IKEA on purpose. I have to live my life dagnabbit. cinnamon swirl tastes like sawdust mixed with disappointment.

We've come to visit the rather lovely Edge hill University in far-flung ormskirk with #2. It's been great. I've had a free coffee, free biscuits and a free breakfast cheeseburger. We've been to a psych lecture on sleep so I'm an expert now. I saw a duck with shoes on! Remarkable.

M6 between Birmingham and Manchester today - some of the worst smells a person has ever smelled. A mix of excrement, vomit and terror.

Just had a great night at the Era tour/nightclub/swanky restaurant and by this I mean reclining on the sofa with herself watching planet of the apes after eating some takeaway curry xx didn't even watch the whole film because you need to save some excitement for another day.

Hands up who sees troosers for folk with three legs?

The aches in my legs and gluteus maximus have subsided a touch so clearly time for chest and leg day. Huzzah! Lidl t shirt because I am cool. Best tune in my ears was RATM with their poignant live song 'bullet in the head'.

Cream cheese is horrible. It smells like baby sick. Cream cheese uses all the toilet roll but leaves the tube on the holder. Cream cheese stops unexpectedly when walking on the high street. Bees make honey. Wasps make cream cheese.

Exciting laundry news lads! I got all of the new minkis out today. Slight gusts of wind do your worst! Also shop down road has got pumpkin spice going on. No way!

Seems to be a lot of questions on Xwtwer these days. Don't fret though. I'm delving in the forgotten corners. The roots of mountains and such. There's a thing called Teemu (rhymes with emu) where. Maybe if you can find it, you can hire it.

Xwixter is now 95% questions. Harmless I suppose. I just don't get it.

I haven't worn a cargo short with malice aforethought this summer. I don't even know who I am anymore.

I've been out three nights in a row. I think I might dissolve into an amorphous blob. I might grow a tash. I might wear a flat cap. I might tell you that take that were rubbish apart from their song about lipstick marks on coffee cups and so forth.

Look! Let's not cheapen this by putting a label on it.

Citizen! Are you fond of sporadic stopping whilst walking on the busy pavement like other people haven't been invented yet? Birmingham is hiring and you could earn up to 147 WTFs per hour

Look. We've all got secrets that can't leave Cancun. One of mine is that I once ate a marshmallow I found in a fountain. I still think of that watery, unexpected marshmallow today.

Guys! A ghost just told me that KitKat chunkys are a con.

A mad rollercoaster of of a first two weeks. Teaching PE in the rain and (occasional) sun, some driveway repairs and decorating. Tonight playing some music at the Victoria in Walsall. Mixed but rocky sets from 9ish xx

Sadly our gig tonight has been cancelled :( we'll be back 💪

Just a reminder that if you’re struggling over the festive period, there are places you can contact: Samaritans: 116 123 Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): 0800 58 58 58 Shout (text): 85258 You’re not on your own 💙