he looks like he was trying to steal the sarcophagus but got interrupted and had to act natural

if i saw these on the street i would simply pass away

witnessing road rage on a sunday morning is so disorienting like excuse me mr bmw can you please wait for my stimulants to kick in

i love how psychotic toddlers are. we just found out our elderly cat has lymphoma and my 3 year old daughter gleefully exclaimed “I think she is dying!”

this is the energy i’m bringing into 2025

crying at how they’ve drawn him like handsome squidward omg

decided to get out of LA due to fire/winds/ general mayhem and I now understand why kids in disaster movies are so annoying- aliens could come attack and my daughter would be screaming I WANT MOANA SONG

the lapd:

Yall be saying go fund me isn’t insurance but it sounds like insurance isn’t insurance either.

Well, Toontown is fucked

one of my biggest pet peeves is when i’m with my 3 year old at a restaurant and the host asks if i need seating for 1 and a half to which i always reply- 2 please, she is a full person. maybe it’s petty and i know they think they’re being cute but THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAID

Earthquake Twitter lock the fuck in. We’re back.

was that an earthquake or another car crashing into a building in los feliz?

once again my stupid little tweet about my short husband has gone viral so here’s an update. my tiny billionaire husband and i are still married with an even tinier daughter. she is 3, but i suspect she will grow.

i still stand by my statement that tall men can’t read. they are too far from the page.