Not trying to subtly brag that I went for a run or anything. I've been I bed since 5 pm

Would I date Emilio Estevez as Gordon Bombay in Mighty Ducks? The answer is a resounding "yes." #quackquack #ducksflytogether #MightyDucks

One of my favorite past times is finding all the pervy innuendos in the movies I watched as a little kid #ilovethe90s

Sometimes I think that the ladies at the nail salon take pleasure in my pain #manicure #manipedi #ouch

My Saturday was the coolest. FaceTimed with my enthusiastic niece. Now I'm watching a 2012 taping of a dog show #not

Watching a re-run of a Dog Show. Not quite as entertaining without Jane Lynch #dogshopping #dogshow

Got to hang out in the green room at Jimmy Kimmel last night! Even got to see Guillermo #JimmyKimmel #soexcited

Is it at all insensitive to say that an arranged marriage would be the ideal situation for me right now? #singlegirlproblems #lazy

I think that of all the Chex Mix ingredients, pretzels are my least favorite. Chex Mix #sorryimnotsorry #moregardettosplease

Text conversation between myself and my roommate: Me - "What is wrong with me?" Stephen - "Where do I start?" #rude #roommateproblems

My IT skills consist of - turn it off, turn it back on again, hope it works. #computerilliterate

RT if your Patronus would be a pizza

Nice work badgers. Game was unreal.

It's 5:58 AM on a Sunday. Do you know where your kids are? My mom does because she can NEVER REMEMBER WE'RE IN DIFF TIME ZONES. #WakeUpCall

This bachelorette dude's job is "Explorer." Well, hello sir, are you related to Dora? The Bachelorette

Wait wait. This guy's job is "Pantsaprenuer." Game over. You win. Unless there's a "Pizzaprenuer" in the house? Anyone? The Bachelorette

I don't care about any new seasons of Bravo Top Chef. I just want to keep watching my favorites over and over Mike Isabella RichardBlais

Your fantasy: some.ly/oof9lx (via 封不觉)

Has anyone else noticed that "Talk Dirty To Me" is kinda a ripoff of the classic Jesse McCartney hit, "Body Language"?

Yummy bday dinner at #Scopa. Now I'm torn between Antonia Lofaso & Mike Isabella for favorite Italian chef. Gotta host my own Top Chef Duel