When you set the coffee maker up to brew in the morning but instead of setting the timer to brew at 6:15 AM you unknowingly select brew NOW and walk away.... you drink coffee at 11:45 PM

“You get paid for how much pressure you can handle. Remember that.” Gary Vaynerchuk hitting me hard this morning

Master impressionist Conor Moore previews #TheMasters debuting his Rickie Fowler, GARY PLAYER, @NickFaldo006, & @b_dechambeau, plus other favorites.

Capela on the Warriors: "Yeah, that's what I want. I want to face them." CP3: "Look at you. You can't wait to tweet that." 😂

Nick Bosa to the niners!!!! Me: 😃😄😁😆😂😂😭😭😭😭 (tears of absolute joy)

OH NO, STEPH 😵

That was the best end to an NBA game in recent history. No buzzer beater or anything spectacular, just Steph curry getting stuffed by the rim and the Warriors giving up for no real apparent reason other than embarrassment for Steph curry #NBAPlayoffs2019 #RocketsvsWarriors

If Kawhi signs with the lakers I’ll buy everyone who retweets and likes this a free Kawhi jersey

#garyveepickme I promise, you won’t be disappointed

As a child I was so scared of swearing that I would only call it chip dip instead of Helluva good dip

Guess who joined us at training... 👀 #CFCinJapan

Every kid's dream is Gareth Bale’s reality 🙌 Imagine scoring THIS in a UEFA Champions League final 🤯

No contest, Alex Ovechkin is the leader here... 🤷‍♀️ (Alex Ovechkin)

Probably the only thing I will ever retweet from Troy Aikman

People with Apple Watch: I walked 5 miles today with a 3 1/2 mile workout walk. How did you get your 5 miles? Me with Apple Watch: I have 2 children under 4 years old

Anybody else hate those rhetorical questions on FB and IG polls? As if I’m going to be like “Yes acquaintance, I’m going to vote NO for you to ‘erase your old friends and work on being a better ME.’” Why do I feel attached by these polls?

Instead of parallel parking, to pass your drivers license exam you should have to go through a Dunkin’ Donuts drivethru #dunkin #americarunsondunkin

Hey My Chemical Romance. We love the single. But we can’t hear Gerard’s vocals in the mix. Like at all. I’ve tried on 4 different speaker systems. Sincerely, the killjoys