Kirk Bot Post #00001876 Butter Chicken Roti pleases my internal energy consumption mechanisms, and women still do not wish to copulate with me for the purpose reproduction. #robobootycalls #kirkbot

Have you guys seen the new cover for newest special edition of Abbey Road. Very weird stuff #billmurray #memes #thebeatles

Just a quick tweet to let everyone know I'm okay and now recovering from the Milk Crate Challenge. Crazy to think that I drank that entire crate of 2%. #sendprayers #MilkCrateChallenge

I'm starting to take better care of myself and now the only time I'll utter "I'm not here for a long time, I'm here for good time" is when I'm underneath your mom

How do you guys think this Toronto Maple Leafs All or Nothing will end?

Once you've cucked Will Smith one too many times you can become very Jaded Pinket Smith #spiceitup

On Amazon today, I noticed that the suggested items matched to my interests included Lube, Da'Bomb Beyond Insanity Hot, Creatine Powder, and Mrs. Butterworth's Syrup. I just said out loud, "What kind of Freak do you think I am Bezos!" as I proceeded to add these all to my cart

Hi, just released my new track, All Torn Up. Listen and buy now directly from us: gordonlightroom.bandcamp.com/track/all-torn…

Hi new song I'm working on! Also please if you like join my new bandcamp (gordonlightroom.bandcamp.com) and also find me at soundcloud.com/gordonlightroom for more. Thanks

I like how real and genuine Keanu Reaves comes off. He projects an every man persona where I imagine him doing the regular stuff like I do. It's not hard to think he's just like me at any moment riding public transit with a McDouble stashed in his winter coat. Man of the People!

Y'all know me, I go real hard on the tweets but I'm a complete Puss Puss in the streets #hashtag

I've been on hold today with Service Canada and concerned that my adventures in late night burritos would result in an unfortunate outburst from my lower intestine. Now it's 2 hours in and I have no issue welcoming them to the active warzone that is my colon #hitthepoopdeck

You know you're making good progress in therapy when during your latest session you make your therapist burst into tears and they immediately after call their dad. #progress #letitout #therapy

I think it's about time we all strongly consider replacing all government agencies with the Wii's Everyone Votes Channel #WiithePeople

"INFLUENTIAL POST ALERT", check out THE 500 Podcast with Josh Adam Meyers, and if you're interested in true love and light in your life subscribe to their Patreon. patreon.com/500podcast Thanks again Josh for playing those Gordon Lightroom tracks!

It seems to me that we used the FreeBritney hashtag on the wrong person #FreeBrittneyGriner

Can anyone check Facebook for me to make sure my account is still deleted? Thanks! Also, bonus if you can provide me instructions how to delete Twitter

I'm sorry, but if you're eating low carb / low calorie diet adult cereal and you're not consuming it with water... You're not doing it wrong!!! #weightloss

Perhaps my greatest breakthrough in therapy was when I was able to identify that just because my life was depressing, it didn't mean that I had to be depressed #cardio #n #pills

I guess I'm following both No Nut and Movember this year and now need to rethink life after a spicy bout of self love ended with a busted nut in my beard #Ihaveproblems #NoNutNovemberfail #Movember #notacostume