fork found in kitchen

if we’re looking for suggestions for places to eat and you say some bullshit like outback steakhouse im dead telling people i caught you touching on my dog

when ur 8 drinks deep and they start playing 2000s white women music

Wake up and immediately look at small screen before clocking 8 hours behind medium screen. Take a few breaks to check in on small screen. Go home and spend a few hours staring at big screen to wind down before getting into bed and looking at small screen. Living the dream.

the woke left? without saying bye?

Mom: "When I was your age, I was already pregnant with you." Me: "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

Adding “!!” after sentences so they know im friendly and kind, the one who understands

memory with trauma be like: • i was born • i was 12 for a lil bit • then i turned 22

I'm at work Does anyone feel bad for me

This is a horrible photo

Texans: “when will the construction on I-35 be done?” Construction workers on I-35:

This is how it feels all the time

daily affirmations: - i do not need a sweet treat every single day - i will survive without making a $10-15 purchase today - i am not chopped and my friends love me even if i am - i will be very normal today and i will not feel like every social interaction is a test

Maybe I’m getting old cause getting this drunk around me would be your last time around me lol

benson boone get ready to flip your last backflip.

Americans can’t afford rent and groceries.

Been making a lot of $12 transactions lately

Instead of texting ‘on my way’ I’m just gonna start sending this