no response as he really isn’t moving, involuntarily just shaking as his chest is heaving.

hands covering his face, as his knee bounces and his eyes stays closed.

shane doesn’t acknowledge the touch. one hand moving to wipe the tears from his eyes. “fuck.”

he’s not saying anything. too much in his own head, as he’s trying to pull himself back in before this gets any worse. he didn’t want to have a full meltdown in front of the other.

|| any Ilya’s willing to write an SL with me where shane gets an autism diagnosis and they talk about it? i know canonically, shane never gets tested. but as someone who is on the spectrum, i would love to delve more into his||

“stay.” he said softly, his voice cracking. his head leaning on ilya’s lap, as his eyes remained closed. focusing on his breathing as he tried to match the russian’s. “sorry.”

“sorry.” he wiped his face once more, this time with his sleeve before putting his head back down. arms wrapped around to cover the fact that he was crying.

shane’s hand went to clutch ilya’s pants, just a way from him to ground himself. “i’m still sorry.” he felt embarrassed that he felt this way, that he got like this. when is brain seemed to become too much.

shane is looking away from ilya, he was sure that he would fully break the moment he made eye contact with the other. “i just need a second.”

“do you ever wish you can turn your brain off for a bit? like for an hour or so?” he questioned, barely audible in a whisper.

he’s around

he’s so close to falling asleep

he felt like the whole world was crashing on him, leaning onto ilya’s chest as a sob tore out his throat. he hated that this was happening, he hated that he wasn’t able to control his emotions better. he kept quiet mostly because he just didn’t want to talk anymore.

shane stayed silent for several minutes, rocking himself as a way to soothe himself. after what seemed like a very long time, he tilted his head up to look at ilya. “i don’t know why i get like this. i just do.”

he has a surprise for ilya

ILYA!

i made you something.