linktr.ee/donttellmompod…

#fashion

These have got to go

Them: did you read my email?

Me: hahaha

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Me: I’m ready for a relationship

Universe: did you mean, “lose your job”?

My level of anxiety is needs at least 2 screens going at once

Them: Coachella weekend 1 or 2?

Me: 4 weekends in rehab

Guide to fashion

My biggest fear is that my friends will see when I’ve liked an inspirational quote on Instagram

My dog after I leave the house for 3 minutes

I thought Fat Joe got his hands on some ozempic

“Look Sarah, men’s ears are decorations. They don’t actually work” — my hairdresser on the phone

PSA for pants

I’m 2 job rejections away from an accidental pregnancy

A new partnership with OnlyFans OFTV where I’ll be posting more standup clips and bits

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JetBlue: no carryons

Me: of course not

Unfortunately, eating cookies faster does not lower their calorie count

lowkey 'discharge' is an ugly word i prefer créme de la meow meow

I told my psychiatrist i was afraid of antidepressants because they might make me gain weight and she said that if I eat really healthy and work out every day, it won’t be an issue, which is the most depressing shit I’ve ever heard