boyf is spending the entire day at a dennys plz send prayers

Some peoples’ Minnesotan accent is beyond parody. I refuse to provide an example.

I had a dream the other night where I was about to go to a baseball game and it turned into a nightmare because I really did not want to go watch people play baseball for 3 hours. I was vividly repulsed by the thought of watching baseball.

Being too embarrassed to try something new is embarrassing

Josie just showed me a picture of her poop

A child at my restaurant job just thanked me for my service🫡🇺🇸

I’ll take one whopper jr extra pickles please

This toast is my canvas and these beans, my paints

she zoo on my wee til I mama

WE ARE MAKING A RECORD. …. We also need to raise some funds for it. These shirts will be available only for preorder and only for 48 hours! Buy a shirt if you would like to support.🌿💋 docs.google.com/forms/d/1Mw-at…

I haven’t been drinking enough water lately so I invented this rule where every time I take a sip of water I get to smoke a cigarette

Bedecky Cleaver

Korn, soad, slipknot, deftones > street sects

I hate the United States Dollar

Do you think Jerry Garcia ever listened to Slipknot?