“Portable” in 1988 meant “you can theoretically carry it if you also lift weights and hate your spine.”

They say balance is key. This goat's got balance. Me, I got a couch and a remote. Different kinds of key I guess.

I like a cereal that tells you exactly what it is and then apologizes with vitamins.

Every single one of them.

Stonehenge is basically British IKEA. No one knows how to assemble it.

I love that post‑lunch java jolt — it’s like giving your brain a trampoline.

This Roadkill Helper seems like a bit of a gamble, but then again, so is eating at a Denny's at 3 AM.

A Slinky is just a spring that quit its job and decided to become a gymnast. Who had one?

I just noticed I am 99 follows away from 175,000. I can't believe I've grown this big in such a short amount of time, and it's all because of you guys. The Road to 200,000 Begins Today!

6K strong and I’m beyond grateful. Thank you for every follow, comment, share, and message. There’s a real person behind this account, not a bot, not a brand, just me. I’m not scared to show who I am in this world because honesty matters. I love being transparent with my people.

This can is basically four underage mutants committing war crimes against Italian cuisine and I’m here for every second of it—Chef Boyardee saw dollar signs and said, “hold my béchamel”!

Open this box and the Fonz’s “aaayyy” echoes through the cafeteria like a mating call for cool kids.

Why does Harry Sisson love the San Francisco Farmer's Market so much?