up to my old tricks again!! (returning to the Catholic faith)

my 9 year old non-binary lesbian son Chrxstopher has just informed me that his polycule has just gone "biral" on Tik Talk. Chili's tonight to celebrate.

Just drank 4 cups of cold brew. The doctor doing my colonoscopy bout to get pranked so hard

smh mfs going on walks. used to be a man would sojourn

going moron mode

my ego consciousness brings a certain "not going to do my laundry until I'm fully out of underwear" vibe that the rest of my unindividuated psyche doesn't really fuck with

I guarantee you that a future civilization will with absolute certainty chalk up the collapse of our society to the invention of the microwave. it is a sinister machine

going chode mode

No bro haha don't tuck me in bro stop don't make me all snug like a burrito haha bro what are you doing no I'm so comfy bro haha stopp

wait sorry do you mean XCX or Brown

imagining him instead of Mumford and Sons saying "I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?"

hozier thinks he’s father john misty. father john misty thinks he’s paul simon. paul simon thinks he’s the hamburglar

my core promise as a friend/lover is that i’m going to get very high on your couch

gonna tell my kids this was Mr. Big

hey buster if you think this is my first time getting booed out of a bowling alley you're dead wrong