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THE NEW NEW COLOSSUS Give me your hired, your pure Your coddled classes yearning to spend freely The respected refuge for their teeming fortunes Send these, the noblesse, lightly tossed, to me I lift my cash before the golden calf!

weeklyhumorist.com/the-omicron-va…

Exciting offer: I appear in a few days at Univ. of Sydney; anyone who comes from America to see me gets half off!: buff.ly/196oXCH

From my recent trip to Australia, the perfect gift: genuine kangaroo scrotum.

OK, "Two Caravans" didn't get great reviews but really, how do you follow "A Short History of Tractors In Ukrainian"?

Why must everything be a competition? (Artifact from New Zealand gold rush town.)

From a buffet in New Zealand; evidently America isn't the only nation with an abundance of caution.

Who knew? Just got back from Australia, only country with kangaroos, because, it turns out, they were originally sent there as convicts.

NYCers, I'm at 92 St. Y Wed talking about pain in comedy, followed by ceremonial baring of scars (emotional & phys.): buff.ly/1DstvjW

Sun. I'm at LA's Skirball Center, talking about comedy & morality. If you miss it, you're immoral: buff.ly/1GMbYkk

DCers: I talk about the history of comedy Fri. at the Smithsonian, following which I'll be stuffed & mounted: buff.ly/1MFNVW9

Win a Date with David! To benefit KPCC 89.3 Pasadena, David will come to your home & give a 1-hr talk on comedy: buff.ly/1FCjcID

Michelle Wolff: The reason people call Donald Trump a clown is that he's hilarious, entertaining, and terrifying all at the same time.

Why "Artificial Intelligence Is A Joke": buff.ly/1Ievt41

Python's prescient (1989) take on gender identity: buff.ly/1NNi0YE

At a toy museum: Caeasarian Barbie.

In Prague, at an exhibit of medieval armor; if occupied by a local, you could say the Czech is in the mail.

Someone asked what's the last thing I want to hear before I die. "Wait -- we found a cure!"

Having gone to many demonstrations, I think it’s safe to say #Trump will result in a substantial increase in left-wing upper-body strength.

Everyone's talking about it so I finally read "1984". But it'snot how like I remember the 80's at all!