They have a 4-pack of Lip Smackers lip balm for $20. Lip Smackers….the shit I wore on my wrist in 2nd grade on a stretchy keychain. The timeline has gone to hell.

Let’s go back to this..

Every once in blue I think about my old coworker, Matt. He used2 come into work@ 1AM on his day off bring his griddle &cook for us; custom omelettes to hibachi. He was determined2 never pay his loans so he kept going back2 school—he’s probably a doctor’s doctor by now. Great guy.

LMAOooOooOo

3! Whoever put 4 and 2 in the race needs JAILED.

I’ll just hold it.

These fucking two, sksksksksks..

Come. On. Curse you and your mother.

nothing about my love is small. if i love you, i love you soooo much.

Jealous. Mania is the best time to get things done. Perfect tweeting weather. Let her cook.

Yesterday the cardiologist came in here hungover. Today he comes in asking if anyone has a stethoscope he can use for the day so he “can be a doctor.” looool mind you, he’s like 55.

Beyonce herself would tell you this.

This tweet just made me look like an idiot laughing at work. looool

Kids are ridiculous.

I haven’t been in a Family Dollar in yearssss but there was one by my dentist and my son wanted Takis so I went in and maybe I should seek to frequent more often, those employees DGAF! They were scanning one item, bagging two. Felt like self checkout!

Everything after the exclamation point was written AFTER my son’s teacher got her Christmas present (“so [he] don’t get in trouble.”) lol

Actors from the movie Coach Carter revealed that the producers are still upset with them 20 years later because the partying scene was real life they were actually partying and drinking without Samuel L. Jackson’s knowledge, and he walked in and was angry at everyone 😭

This is so out of pocket. Whose p*rn pic did they steal and photoshop for their advertisement?! 🫣

I’m about to start getting spray tans cause kids are mean. And by “kids” I mean my kid, he’s 10. Making fun of ME in my own house! Relentless.

Johnny Cash was the biggest instigator with that Bob Dylan Newport Festival situation. lol