the return of low rise pants should henceforth be seen as a leading indicator that a republican president is soon going to illegally invade a sovereign nation in order to take their oil.

“oxford comma is a big sign of ai” you can pry the oxford comma out of my cold dead hands idc i will never stop using her

one of my favorite games to play is “is my headache from dehydration, caffeine withdrawal, lack of proper nutrition, my ponytail, stress, lack of sleep, not wearing my glasses or brain tumor?”

Pastor: I saw ICE agents circling a young woman who appeared to be Hispanic. I said to this ICE agent, 'Take me, stop harassing her.' The agent got in my face, pointed a gun at me, and said, 'Are you afraid now?' To which I said, 'I am not afraid.' The next thing I knew, they

I just saw someone refer to mansplaining as 'correctile dysfunction' so please excuse me while I laugh hysterically for 6 hours.

the biggest lie i be telling people is "i respect your decision" i really don't at all. that shit sound stupid as hell to me but that's your life to live

“Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid.” — The Mary Poppins movie spelled it out in 1964

Petition for the NHL to start letting players film confessionals in the penalty box like it’s The Real Housewives

Friendly reminder to my friends older than 42: You don’t have to put 2 spaces after the period anymore. That was for the typewriter era. You're free

Cuban activist, Hector Cocho, was the founder of Latinos for Trump. Anyway, he got deported.

It woulda been funny if Bad Bunny had also called Drake a pedophile. Make it a running gag in halftime shows get silly with it

“I just think the halftime show should be in English, so we can understand it” I disagree, because the constitution is in english and you guys don’t seem to understand that…. at all.

Dispensary: "So what kind of high are we chasing today? Euphoric? Creative? Couch-lock body high?" Liquor store: "Cash or card?" Me: "Finally, someone who gets me 🍻 VS 🌿"

I’m not saying I’m about to go do this, but I bet a bottle of Boone’s Farm, Marlboro menthol 100’s, tanning in a tanning bed with Playboy bunny stickers and Jack in the Box tacos at 2am still hits. 😂

I miss the days when I had no fucking idea what the director of the FBI looked like.

not to alarm anyone but is anyone else worried about how fucking stupid everyone is ??

Charlie Kirk dropped out of community college and then told millions of American youth that higher education is a liberal scam. His banner should NOT be hanging from the Dept of Education right now. Holy fuck

Did we never discuss that Love Island’s first ever gay couple are now both winners of #TheTraitorsUK #TheTraitorsUS ?

There were so many cool things in Back to the Future 2 that I thought we'd have by now and all we got is Biff

The only person who must be truly happy that #RHOM is on pause is the Haitian mortician.