Reminder that Matt Gaetz won't update past iOS 17

I've said for years serving Taco Bell "food" should be a crime

I don't speak Aramaic, so unless he can mime-teach me how to walk on water in 10 min...I'm takin' the cash

Choose wisely. This is a thinly veiled psychological question to test intimacy

The green lead-glass one my granny used to make lemonade Completely unbreakable

This is my county Ruben is the dem The math isn't mathing

Every down-ballot blue keeps winning in the same states that went with a dick-tater? Explain it to me like I don't know what tariffs are

Something is amiss. Er'body waaaaay too quiet

It ain't mathing

When you come home early and the burglar is hiding in the closet, holding his breath, waiting to see if he gets caught

I mean...he did assassinate Adolf Hitler

Nope. Fuck 'em all

Wait...the mayonnaise-iest Americans think Shitler will cancel Obamacare, but keep the Affordable Care Act?

Don't know what I expected Catturd ™ to look like...

Slim Diesel, aka Vin Shady

Just one brave 757 mechanic could save us all

Ditto. I'll leave this hellscape when I'm goddamn good and ready, Sissy SpaceX

Nope. Dead. Right after my first hoaxination. Don't even know how I typed this just now. Weird

I need my doctor over in the skies, The Doctor