Imagine if Putin and Zelensky just had a dance battle

To intimidate everyone at my gym I’ve started doing blindfolded kettle ball swings and medicine ball throws.

Guys my ride just got here see you at tonight’s show

The standard for what’s considered stand up comedy has never been lower.

The final Grateful Dead concert is tonight and of alllll the concerts that have been bombed and attacked…

What do your mom and the British have in common?

So excited to welcome this great lineup of comedians to the brewery on Friday, 9/15. Show starts at 7pm - get your tickets before they're gone! 🍻 tinyurl.com/pullupatbolero

“Spy Ops” on Netflix is the most egregious CIA propaganda piece ever produced. #EndTheStrike so CIA can hire better writers.

Yo Philadelphia catch me at Helium comedy club this Wednesday, Sept 20th. shawn gardini featuring, Dave Caggiano hosting and some special big guest drop ins too..

A box of cheezits is $11 and people are upset we stormed the capital

90% of negative interactions I’ve had in my first year in NYC have been with hipster comics who are too fat to be stuffed in a locker anymore.

Send me your best malware I’m tryna fck up someone’s computer

The scariest part about working EMS in the Bronx, is hearing ER doctors say “finna” and “bet”

If an alien watched one of earth’s nature documentaries They would think there’s so many fuckin lions

#celtics Al Horford be like…

The biggest lie I ever told on stage is saying I read an article the other day

Wtf is temu

Sorry I haven’t been active, I’ve been writing a musical about the Opioid Epidemic.

Someone DM me some good malware recs

The reason why men don’t have any icks is because we never liked you in the first place