Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.

*Unplugs 100% charged iPod* *slides to unlock* *battery 62%*

I hate when I'm mad at someone and they make me laugh.

Things you must try on an elevator!

True dat

OMG this actually works!!! 1: Hold your breath for 5 minuets 2: Die

Actions speak louder than words that's why I hit you!

Cops be like

I'm feeling 22...pounds overweight

*A fact of life* After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF

*At school* Asian: Damn that math test was hard Me: I'm fucked

McDonalds: Giving people with swag steady jobs since 1940

When I was a kid, Hakuna Matata was a reality.

Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit

I know your from the Caribbean, cause you're Jamaican me horny

When I was a kid, Pokemon was the shit.

When I was a kid, I used to wake up early just to watch cartoons.

You can't do homework If you don't have a home BURN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE DOWN!!!

I want to be in a relationship with abs but there's this bitch called food

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