Don't want to wish ill on anyone, but if she ever has a gradually worsening health condition then there's a great "Faye Dunaway / fading away" piece of word play to be had. I believe it'll work particularly well with a Dundonian accent.

Business idea: Charles Darwin themed antiperspirant. Product name: The De-Scent of Man.

I saw that Aidan Turner did a lot of nude sunbathing before his role in a well known historical drama. - Poldark? Well, more red to be honest, with a fair bit of peeling. #badumtss #lunchpun #ratemypun

Great to see Glasgow Bright Club back! Get along if you can folks, always entertaining and almost always informative!

I'm a big fan of diminutive girl bands. - Little Mix? That's probably B*Witched you're thinking of, but please moderate your language. #badumtss

I wish that the dude who invented impossible burgers was called Dmitri.

Wrote an article about a 'fun' psychic night in Hamilton. Content warning: Includes discussion of suicide, and a little bit of murder too.

I sent a gift to one of the Fugees recently. I feel sad, lost, and abandoned without their music. - Forlorn? No, Wyclef #badumtss #RateMyPun

In light of last night's result, I've been forced to re-write one of my jokes. Here goes: . I hear that the * former * Minister for Brexit Opportunities is now going to focus his attention on rural air pollution. . - That awful country smog? . Yeah, that's him.

Top time seeing mary beard in Glasgow this evening. Fascinating stuff. Kudos to @KieranCHodgson for being such a great interviewer too.

Hey there my Scottish friend. Did you know that Gwen Stefani once went topless when on tour with No Doubt in the U.S? - Nae bra ska? No, Florida I think. #badumtss #ratemypun

If Alec Guinness was ever found to have been misdiagnosed with haemorrhoids he'd have had the perfect comeback line.

I used state of the art computer technology to create a simulation of a Los Del Rio concert in a massive venue. . AI mock arena! #badumtss #RateMyPun

No, this WASN'T a long-winded attempt at getting some of my bad jokes published. How dare you. I'm offended!

Eggman's abandoned jokesmithery #891: Something about a Belgian footballer buying the rights to an old Mexican song and making a fortune in royalties . Punchline: Lukaku richer. Just doesn't quite work 😕

I just splashed out on TEN false teeth. So decadent! #badumtss

Eggman's Abandoned Jokesmithery #529: Something about multiple projections of a member of the Fugees onto an English coastal rock face. Punchline: The Wyclefs of Dover.

My wife's tribute to the classic IRN-BRU Christmas ad. On display in Glen Esk park in East Kilbride along with some other festive artwork ❤️