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Everyone on #theblock, I hate you. Goodnight.

If there's anything better on TV than a man going head to head with a grizzly bear in a hotdog eating competition, I don't want to know.

Ben Stein is a "great thinker" as much as Mel Gibson. "Expelled" worst movie ever made without full frontal shots of Harvey Keitel.

Do you have to be a fan of AIDS in Africa to become pope?

Best temporary relief from flu ever! Watching the totally staged domestic disputes on Tony Robbins new show.

Hey celebrity chefs, intimidating contestants on your little cooking show doesn't make you special. Now cook my dinner, bitch #Masterchef

When did Snakes Alive start tasting like medicine?

Ive already decided religion is dumb, I'm still deciding if Cindy Pan is a hot Asian babe. #qanda

China bans twitter because they don't want it getting out... it's the only country in the world without a decent Chinese restaurant.

Hey #BrunoMars, your ex sounds like a bitch, dumping u cos u didn't buy her flowers. U dodged a bullet there, move on.

#gatorboys, I'm calling bullshit. Your crew is planting those gators you keep finding in water fountains.

I am invincible against all waterborne viruses.

#youdecide9 Kevin, no Julia, no Kevin, no Julia, no Kevin, no wait, who gives a shit.

Friend of Biff: breslowmusic.com fb.me/MjM6Z33f

Check out at 10am? Pfft I'm checking out 10.30 cos I'm a ROCKSTAR. Not even washing my coffee cup #trashtheplacelikeaboss

That's either Iva Davies or... Iva Davies .

"...but they need to come in the front door, not the back door" Abbott could've been talking about a different one of his policies #thedrum

So is the person to the right of Tony Germaine Greer or Iva Davies? need clarification #qanda

I might be slightly old school but I'm expecting Will to have Kate beheaded if it's not a male heir... #RoyalBaby #oldschool