Whenever I go visit my stepfather, I feel all weird. You know, like all... stabby or something. That's just a coincidence, right?

I can see this weekend will not be satisfied w/o some sort of sacrificial chocolate. I apologize in advance to the families of the doomed.

As if things weren't sucky enough, now I'm getting AARP spam?!?! WAH!!!

Lunch bill sat on the table for 20 minutes. Stepfather never made a move for it. #cheapfuckingbastard

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is a little hope. Love, Sky

Just ordered a big tin of Christmas cookies for myself. Man, what was I thinking?! It will take DAYS for that to get here!

Yeah, sometimes I don't "get" me either.

I miss the warmth of Christmas.

Happy Holidays, you Princes & Princesses of Wit, you Kings & Queens of Twitterverse! May the cosmos smile upon you & shower you with stars!

Hey, why are all the stores closed today? Is there something going on? Ha ha. JK. Seriously though, I need to get some cream for this rash.

I just voted for http://tweetphoto.com/7248143 check it out! #TweetPhoto

Feeling just a teeny bit stabby. That's normal for today, right?

Tis the season for MythBusters and (scientific) mayhem!

For all you lonely, single folk: eat some comfort food & watch some comedies. Hang in there. We will endure. And stores reopen tomorrow!

Ah, I feel much better now. Took 2 of my nephews out to see a movie. For a while there, I was starting to feel like my family was imaginary.

The most disappointing part of seeing Ninja Assassins, the ticket stub said Ninja Assass. Dismembered ass was not what I was expecting.

Looks like Basement Cat gets coal again this year - http://twlol.com/tw/?v1-223871

RT @breakcom Falling With Style Video-Crazy dude backflips down a sand dune. http://bit.ly/i6nER

Hey does this approaching new year make my list of regrets look fatter?

Here's to the New Year. May she be a damn sight better than the old one and may we all be home before she's over. -Colonel Sherman T. Potter