Kate Middleton is currently in exile and helping the true king of England regain his throne

I’m officially announcing that the Pfizer vaccine will be my running mate for the 2024 presidential race.

AI hasn’t progressed to the point where it’ll take crypto in exchange for some sexting.

With all of my concerts canceled, it’s a fair statement to say I’m a victim of cancel culture!

You just know that both parents have massive bushes

I’m forcing my family to watch the new road house movie sober.

I think funerals would be more popular if they were called ghost weddings.

The resurrection of Jesus (Taylor’s version)

Where were you when Lincoln was killed? I was watching the Seinfeld finale.

every place in this small Ohio town in the path of totality is completely overwhelmed by having five customers

I’m proud of being in the path of totalitarianism.

Getting sent to school with a lunchable in your lunchbox was like getting half a blowjob after prom.

Whoever said Ohio is boring is lying

Let OJ “the juice” Simpson rest in peace. The real killer confessed back in the 90’s on the album Deadly Verses by Gangsta Pat.

.PETA suggest putting magic mushrooms on glue traps for mice so that the little rodents are more relaxed as they meet their fates.

The guy who self immolated at the Trump trial was a minor celebrity on r/stupidpol and used to co-host a podcast entirely focused on Laura Dern (it ran for 53 episodes)

I’m buying Graceland and growing weed in the jungle room.

Goth children learn to read using a ouija board.

Pete Hegseth is going to jack off on your belly

Congrats to Charlie Kirk for achieving 5 days of sobriety!!! #maga #CharlieKirk