freakier friday is a 5000000/10 movie, please go watch, it has everything and more

we went to the zoo today and an otter ran by and jumped into the water and a lady asked us “was that a fish?” yah the fish ran with its legs into the water

Instead of texting ‘on my way’ I’m just gonna start sending this

imagine obsessing over someone getting engaged that you don’t even know, haven’t spoken to, and doesn’t know you exist

this is more important news than a celebrity engagement

wayyyyy too close but I’ll take it

I say again, why is the sauna the most absurd place ever? “please remove workout shoes” *walks in with sneakers* people shadow boxing, grunting, leaking their puddles everywhere, spraying scents, coughing it’s a circus

good culture cottage cheese was finally back at publix today!!!

"Hey dad, what was 7 hours of commercial-free football like?" Me:

🍨 SUNDAE CONVERSATION 🍨 with Jared Goff Presented by White Claw

taylor paul being the next bachelorette has me fully locked back in because that’s going to be a shitshow

my windshield got smashed while I was driving tonight so that was cute

With Kimmel getting canned I’m seeing lots of people talking about the hypocrisy of cancel culture. To me Cancel culture is when people go out of their way to dig up old tweets, videos etc looking for dirt on somebody they don’t like in an effort to get them fired. Like if

me every day

gonna leave my corporate job and just make online pub sub orders

girl math: our wedding invites ended up being less expensive than we planned so we made money

it’s taking everything in me to not use the spongebob stamps on my wedding invitations

I tried Instacart for the first time today and I fear I’ll never go to the grocery store again, it’s just too convenient it’s dangerous

UCF Football

ucf looks like dogshit