"Some people aren't loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty."

Rule #1: Fuck what people think

Lookin for that: “20 years together and she still gets to me”

you clapped for them and they were quiet for you…… pay attention

Can’t fund the Taliban if you don’t pay your taxes 🤪

I wish Trump had his Twitter right now.

If you haven’t tonight, pray for our troops in Afghanistan before you go to bed.

#NewProfilePic

If you haven’t worked all year don’t light a grill on Labor Day. This holiday isn’t for you. Grab a hot pocket

We all just want everyone to like us. Not me tho, fuck y’all.

Where was this guy last week?

find you a girl who makes every Flatland song make sense