Sitting OUTSIDE having a cuppa being able to feel the sun’s warmth on my skin like some sort of fancy European

lawyer: it’s pro bono

me: but i don’t even like u2

Dad just used the phrase ‘I hope you’ve got your beer socks on’ (to mean..drinking lots of beer?) and no other sentences will ever compare

When you’ve only got 4 minutes between trains and your next one is on platform 14 at Manchester Piccadilly

This ‘Susan Hall’ has a name far too similar to mine, which is definitely the top bad thing about her

There’s a lady on my train who is going through all the GB news hot topics: she’s done her transphobic bit and is now talking about flags. She just ‘says it how it is’ but sounds like she’s learnt a bunch of phrases off the internet

Nuneaton? Sounds like what I call my Brussels sprouts at Christmas am I right fellas 🤣

People who wait in the middle of Euston station are suckers: you wait outside Upper Crust and then you have a clear run to your platform 😎

💔💔💔💔

Haha more like the Co-Oops Live 😂 😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

Always love on Numbers Tweets™ when someone in the replies gets mad at you for not instead describing their specific situation

I'm so mentally checked out of football I feel mentally checked out of being mentally checked out

I don't get people who don't vote like, you get to go on a little walk, go to some random school, maybe bump into a little cat or a little doggy friend on the way, exercise your democratic right as a human, then grab yourself a fizzy drink on the way home what's not to love?!

if you’ve got to use ID there should be a bar imo

For my entire life I had never heard of Boogie Wit Da Hoodie, but now all I hear about is Boogie Wit Da Hoodie, no other people exist, only Boogie Wit Da Hoodie now

Me rocking up to the polling station with my poll card, passport, birth certificate, dental records, swimming certificate from 1994 and Tesco Clubcard

Excited to go vote later

The best account on Instagram is BACK!

With St Vincent's Violent Times, we have a new song to add to the pantheon of 'good tunes that could've been James Bond songs' alongside Conchita's Rise Like a Phoenix, Lana Del Rey's 24, and pretty much the entire of Arctic Monkey's The Car. Any more?!

And custard pies shall be nationalised.