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Got told my septum piercing was “fetch” by a patient today. You can’t bring me down from this high.

This took way too much of my time. 😂

My favorite thing about working in a psych hospital is going to a unit that isn’t mine and meowing like a cat one time. Then i leave. This stimulates a chain reaction that could last hours. 10/10 recommend.

Things Ryan has done in his sleep that make me laugh. Part one: *crawls over to cuddle me* *lays there for about 15 seconds* Ryan: “FUCKING DIGUSTING” *rolls the other way* *He has apologized profusely, but that shit was so funny he didn’t have to.*

Why are the computers at work always at 100% volume? Nobody should be listening to anything at work at 100% volume. If you do, your coworkers have a nickname for you that you don’t know about.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people that don’t understand how four way stops work. Go in order of arrival. That’s it. That’s the only rule.

When I am home alone, I am completely invincible; I move furniture, I carry heavy boxes. As soon as Ryan walks into the house i turn into most pathetic and wimpy critter of all time. I had to have him help me open a jar of SPAGHETTI SAUCE! Strong independent woman… Kinda

They drive me crazy. But, they support me 100%. They reminded me today as i got ready to study. My goal is to help destigmatize mental health and become a caring provider that can advocate for them. They are the reason that I passed 3rd semester.

Me: “i need a riding lawn mower, do you know anyone that sells riding lawnmowers?” alexis: *with disgust* “tHe GrOcERy stORe” 😂😂😂😂

“I think we should start trauma therapy at your next session” Ghosted.

Me: “Which are would you be more scared to lose?” *Ryan points to his right arm* Me: “is that your jack-off arm?” Ry: “it’s my dominant arm, so yes, i guess” Me: “well, if you use the other one it’s like a different person!” Ry: “yes, but that person has no skill”

Hey SHEETZ can we get straws that are a little wider for our milkshakes please? They could even be shorter but the best part of milkshakes are the mix ins that clog the straw! You’re still the best.

I’m not going to write anus on your forehead but that’s precisely what you are.

I look at Twitter as my uncensored social media. There is no sugar coating my life here. When I post it’s whatever I’m actually thinking. Fuck censorship.

The sloth at the zoo should be named EooxloBms. Call him Sol for the easy to pronounce version. This would be a truly ironic name for a sloth.

At one time in my life I thought it was a fun quirk of grapefruit that it made your mouth numb and your lips tingly. Turns out it was a grapefruit allergy.

#catmom this is a Panzer stan account.

Panzer ❤️

Why is sour green apple so much more aggressive than the others?