Fucking cocks man. You can’t trust them.

The duck did not look act like they consented

I think I just witnessed a rooster raping a duck.

Hell is just a grocery store full of people you know.

It’s raining like a mother fucker and it’s evident by the number of accidents on the highways.

Waking up every hour on the hour from 3AM to 6AM is how I know my brain hates normal sleep.

Hello, I’m 47 and I used “your” instead of “you’re” in a tweet six months ago and I’m still thinking about it.

Wow!! The refs really do hate us.

We literally had men complaining about Women Dolphins fans showing cleavage every once in a while…

Are you really surprised that our base will complain about everything & anything just to tweet something ?

It’s almost like you have to be a complainer to be a Miami fan

I just yacked at the last statement 🤢

There’s no way I’d blow anyone while they’re taking a dookie.

I’m a shot blocker…

Baddummm tsss 😜

I only do that for Dolphins wins, but if we win this one I might cause it’s a miracle if we win.

Come on Heat!

Taking off your bra and having a wicked pissah are two of the closest things to an orgasm in my book.

Im sure you can. Sometimes we attract the wrong type, but it’s because we’re allowing it. Change what you usually fall for and maybe it works.

That’s what she said 🤣🤣

I have had such a great day when I decided not to give power to the things that I shouldn’t give power to…

Must repeat.

Happy Monday! Not letting small things mess up my day.

We give the power to insignificant things or people to control our day.. don’t do it!

Take the power back.

Dear people who sleep through the night, what do you do with your brain?

Jesús Fucking Christ.

Heat at home? Really?!