Wait a second…Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are DATING?!?!?

Mark Pope understands the assignment.

I used to complain about Wal-Mart, like a lot of people do, but I changed my mind about the place one night when it was 3 AM and I desperately needed Pringles, a Justin Bieber poster, and a new set of tires.

RELEASE THE PUMPKIN SPICE

I just posted this pic on Facebook and someone commented “What a great picture!” I think they think it’s me?

Been eatin' a lot of Sun Chips lately, gang.

Oh, tonight is the presidential debate? Awesome! (I go outside and attempt to walk directly into the surface of the sun.)

Absolutely ridiculous that the debate moderators didn’t ask a single question about that Australian breakdancing lady.

September 11th should be designated as a national holiday to honor all first responders, past and present.

If you combine candy corn and peanuts, it tastes just like a Payday bar. But did you know that if you combine sugar, cocoa butter, chocolate, nonfat milk, milk fat, lactose, soy lechthin, PGPR, emulsifier, peanuts, dextrose, salt, and TBHQ, it tastes JUST like a Reese's Cup?

The von Trapp family crossed the Alps on foot in less time than it it’s taking me to drive through downtown Cincinnati at the moment.

OPERATOR: 9-1-1, what’s your emergency? ME: One of my Facebook friends just “liked” their own post.

Later today, my daughter's college Humanities class is going to be discussing utopia and dystopia. I offered her 50 bucks to raise her hand and ask the professor when they'd be discussing Zootopia.

One month from tonight, I’ll be telling my silly little jokes at First Baptist Williamsburg. It’s a free show and no tickets are required, but an offering will be taken with proceeds going to the church’s youth group. If you’re in the area, come out for a fun night!

The Georgia-Kentucky football game is set to kick off at 7:30 p.m. tonight. It is also set to end around 7:58 p.m. tonight.

My daughter goes to Wake Forest. She and I had talked about going to Oxford next year. Now that won’t be happening. What a terrible look.

Maybe it's because I'm an old, but I'm not liking this trend of baseball caps with the ropes across the front.

I feel that social media has brought us all a little closer, unfortunately.