It’s my birthday. Did anyone get me anything… lol 😃

Why do I low-key look like that guy from Pride & Prejudice 😂

Fired Greg two weeks ago but forgot to deactivate his keycard. So he got in & sat at his desk yesterday for 6 hours. Some sort of silent protest. I’m not rehiring you bro 😂😂😂

I lost a bet and had to take the subway today - don’t know how I survived LOL. Such a miserable experience. Why don’t poor people just try harder to escape poverty? Are they stupid?

A lot of people have been asking me who I’ll be voting for in this upcoming election. I have no political stance. I have never voted once in my life. I fundamentally lack an opinion on most things. I also like to protect the interests of our shareholders. However #PeaceRocks! 😃

I might dress up as Greg for Halloween. All I need to do is pretend I have shit posture and make myself look like I haven’t showered in a few weeks.

Rehired Greg. Sorry everyone. As you all noticed, we had a really enjoyable 3 weeks without him, but he got his lawyers involved for wrongful dismissal. Literally cringe like just find a new job.

#TomWambsgans2028 and I’m serious.

My wife tells me the election result is bad. Hope everyone is OK. Personally I am playing Fortnite.

:/ FBI

Penis lol

Random fact Friday! Waystar Royco does not have ties to the health insurance industry.

Lowkey stepped over that dead guy on my way to work on Wednesday. In my defense I thought he’d passed out.

Shiv, Laugh, Love ❤️

I have a 51% approval rate. That’s more than half. #StayMad

It’s a NEW YEAR which means we get to lay off 150+ Waystar employees! #MaximizingProfits We’ve sent out a digital golden envelope to all Waystar email recipients. This is how you’ll know whether you’ve been laid off or not. Like Wonka’s Chocolate Factory but for job security.

On Monday I told Shiv her body was tea and that she was serving fierceness and giving mother - she hasn’t spoken to me since. Not sure what to do.

Omg I’m fucking balding.

This platform is run by a Nazi. Wambsgans OUT !!

Is this thing on?