Working in a food court means making eye contact with the worker in the store across and imagining our whole life together

Handjobs from deaf people should be catagorized as blowjobs

I hate when people ask whats your favorite song like what we talking this week or last week

I go to the gym so when people go to my funeral they say "Woah big coffin"

Look I would come out of the closet But women just look too damn fine

The bright side of living poor is knowing ill never be used for my money

Have yall met someone and immediately just thought damn ur gonna grow up to be one of those dudes who goes overseas to talk to women

Am i crazy or just extremely observational

If going to sleep early is so good then why do I have the most fun at 3am

So apparently drinking is illegal cause I just got pulled over for it

Whenever im drink driving I drive as fast possible that way im drink driving for less time

Just found out that apparently drinking is illegal, I just got pulled over for it

If drinking is so bad why is my liver bigger than my heart xd

The worse part about dates is how am I supposed to eat my food without my youtube

Goth girls are like apples the sliced up ones are just better

My therapist is toxic af Dude only talks to me for my money

Am I a fan of Taylor Swift? Ofc bro I love "2 broke girls"

"liked ur story" smh lets j start naming our future kids already

Flirting with milfs is a sport and I aspire to be a professional athlete

Sorry I havent posted in a while ive been protecting lesbians 💅