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At least Instagram loves me

Uninteresting women who put ‘make me laugh’ in their profile make me laugh

I saw a peddler neglecting his “I’m homeless sign please help” while he scrolled on a smartphone

To the cops who said they’d be back in response to noise complaints and my drunken debauchery: it’s been 6 years so I win bitch

Why the hell does Piccolo seem black to everyone including me? There’s no way the Japanese artists intended this

I can not believe I have 5 followers, 2 of which are still on Twitter! #blessed

Happy I wish I hadn’t thought of Chick-fil-A, Inc. day cause that sounds really good rn

I just had something to say.. instagram.com/p/Bup2Yhgn7PJ/…

do not talk ⊂_ヽ 　 ＼＼ to me when 　　 ＼( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 　　　 >　⌒ヽ 　　　/ 　 へ＼ 　　 /　　/　＼＼i'm being pathetic 　　 ﾚ　ノ　　 ヽ_つ 　　/　/ 　 /　/| 　(　(ヽ 　|　|、＼ 　| 丿 ＼ ⌒) 　| |　　) / ノ )　　Lﾉ (_／

I made a meme no one would look at it so I destroyed my computer

To all at the bar: Increasing the volume at which you speak and the frequency in which you disrupt people doesn’t grant you personality. At least not a good one.

#vacation #capecharles #family instagram.com/p/B0BovQHlSBu/…

Shout out to NPR for playing FLYLO in one of their bumps!

I’m terrible at hacky sac untill I drop my phone

I’m 27. I thought every other month had 31 days. July and August both have 31 days. Did we change the rules or has this always been and I’m just slow as molasses?

Fucking love freshly shaved pubes😩😩

#skydiving #treatyoself @ No Limits Skydiving Center instagram.com/p/B214A5BF9lL/…

Thanks to Yes To for not giving me black face with their charcoal face mask 💯

I have no followers on twitter and Idk why instagram.com/p/B340lUfpPe3/…

It was nice out @ Virginia Beach, Virginia instagram.com/p/CNnJ6WzsiVS/…