Guy who just discovered "barely legal" porn

This Lyft smells like cooked broccoli and I’m gonna barf.

Hibachi in Japanese means “Don’t touch the stove table you American pig”. I think.

I hope I’m not a 75 year old grandpa because I’m gonna be a real fucking dickhead.

MiB: Here is your uniform. Me: I make this look jiggy! [lifts sunglasses and moves eyebrows up and down] Me: [Gets thrown out of their stupid program for stupid idiots]

Little kids are so resilient. You could fire them from any job and they will go get another job.

This is my wife. She’s into video games, Marvel, Star Wars, and has the best teeth. Some people say we look alike but all I have to say to that is “Jealous much?”

The fuck is doing coaching footballs!?

If I was turned into a robot my brain would be a computer, oil would be my blood, and I would have the face of a 5 year old boy to hunt and kill pedophiles.

“One day I’ll own a famous theme park and all the people who bullied me will have to pay $3 extra on anything they buy. Trust me it adds up. #Revenge

What was the reason they let Ellie Bamber in Willow NOT speak in her English accent. I never heard a performers accent FIGHT tooth and nail to come out. It’s a fantasy show! Willow has an accent! Dragons exist but NOT English accents!?

Stand-Up Comedy social media class: Lesson 1: Record set and ask audience “Where are you from”. Lesson 2: Be funny about it. Lesson 3: If you can’t be funny remember it’s quantity over quality.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Let's open up some old ass trading cards with TJ Del Reno #tradingcards #retro #nostalgia x.com/i/broadcasts/1…

Now @JeffCerulli we need Capcom USA to put in the rumor about Guile’s gun in Street Fighter II!

You can do a stage fatality in The Living Forrest in Mortal Kombat 2.

So Lizzo was in The Mandalorian huh? When did these castings become as vapid as Hollywood Squares!?

During the WGA meeting last week, someone called AI a “plagiarism machine.” Because AI doesn’t just make stuff out of nothing. It steals scraps of real voices, real art, real labor, chews them up and spits them out. It’s robotic theft. It’s lazy AND unethical.

Want to play Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and win a free drink? Then come out! June 18th!

Just watched 3 Mortal Kombat 1 1 trailers and was hooting and hollering. I love you guys NetherRealm studios and Ed Boon you gave me a super fun and bloody childhood and mid-life crisis years. You all rule. Flawless Video games.