He said I’m not his girl , mind you this is my life I can be whatever I want to be

when a documentary starts with an old white person going "we're a small town, we didn't lock our doors at night" oh we're gonna find out what made them start

Lemme get 3200

saw a TikTok that said “your husband is the only legitimate family you get to choose and you’d pick a fucking loser???” my sentiments exactly

Nothing makes me hate capitalism more than paying to park

black people love to sing the song lyrics before the song starts so you know they know the song

my mom would turn it into a competition about whose body hurts the most

people who started adderall as a young child: “it stole a part of my soul which will never be returned to me” people who started adderall as an adult: “everything i have and everything i am is granted by the blessings of my daily meth”

Clarify that she is their general counsel. Not just a top lawyer. She is Thee head huncho.

So fly and cute I hate seeings kids in chrome hearts and balenciagas

IF IM STARTING A FREE TRIAL THEY SHOULD'NT NEED MY CREDIT CARD INFORMATION.

all i want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash so i could buy a 5 bedroom 4 bathroom house for $3

God I love the internet.

You know what? I’ve never thought about the employees who aren’t the owners. I’m screaming!!😭😂

HR listening to your story:

Unfortunately very funny

"if you sleep in the afternoon, you won't get to sleep at night" me in the afternoon & night:

And third, you still can!!!!